[He shuts his eyes again.] ...Stay here long enough to see if I come back in a week. Just... stay that long. I think if Ben knows you're here, he'll be less afraid about me. [He reaches up and puts his fingers around Dylan's wrists.

At least he's pushed Ladd to the back of his mind for a moment.]

I will. I promise. And I'll take good care of Ben for you while you're gone. I promised him piano lessons. I'd better give him at least a few before I go save the universe.

I hate this ship. I hate what it does to people. [He grabs the sides of his face.] I hate what it does to me. But I'm glad I had you back for a moment. [He puts his hand in Dylan's hair and gives him a little bit of a needier kiss. Just in case. He doesn't know what will happen, but just in case.]

Don't fail at your mission. I don't want that sort of responsibility again.

Because of this ship I got to see you alive again. I've got to be grateful to it for that.

[He smiles self-deprecatingly.]

If I fail, Trance'll probably recruit Refractions next or something.

[Then, more seriously.]

If it doesn't work, I'll come back here. I'll be okay.

Probably.

Now I just have to talk myself out of murder for more reasons than it could trap me on the ship.

[And possibly not being angry that someone else didn't listen to him and it cost them their life.] Lua death tolled without me knowing it.

I'm sorry. Sometimes you can't save everyone. [Not that this stops Dylan from trying. Or from feeling responsible for people's death when he fails.]

Killing her murderer won't change it. Especially not here where he'll get back up again in a few days. And your freedom is way more valuable than temporary revenge.

I'll tie you down if I have to. I know you've got some silk rope around here somewhere. [He doesn't think it will be necessary, but anything that helps Gaheris talk himself out of it.]

He killed the woman that loved him because she trusted him. I already hated him. I genuinely want him dead.

[And he turns away from Dylan to put his head in his hands. Part of him is really angry at her, too, for putting that failure so far ahead of her friends. She's a victim here, though, and that makes it difficult. He knows she had to go through horrors if Ladd was responsible. But then again, he's just mad, and when Nietzscheans get angry they tend to hang onto it.]

Don't worry. I'll leave before I do anything.

Oof. That's rough. That's...particularly horrible. I can see why you need to leave for a while.

[He rests his hand on Gaheris' back, over his shoulder blade.]

I'll be here waiting when you get back.

You should know. I've killed me for less. [It's out of his mouth before he can stop it, and he doesn't look at Dylan when he says it.]

Alright. [He clears his throat, and then laughs a little sadly.] It was a nice two months, anyway. Save for one rampage. It really was. [He was actually happy, without conflicting emotions in himself. He was sure about what he wanted. That almost never happens for him. He's not even sure, now.]

No. Don't do that to yourself. Besides, in my memories, it was me who killed you. So if you're going to hate yourself for killing me you have to hate me, too, for killing you. [It's not an entirely logical argument, and Dylan's aware of it. But he doesn't want Gaheris to leave feeling guilty over what had happened in the past.]

We aren't saying goodbye. Not quite yet. I'll wait for you to come back and then we can have a good goodbye, not one that's got a cloud of murder and violence hanging over it.

You say the "l" word even once during it and I'll punch you so hard you'll forget being here. [He leaves the first... somewhat confusing statement as it is. He knows that Dylan wasn't left with much of a choice. He made sure of that, at the time.]

[He pushes him a little, just enough to rock him forward where he sat.] Try it and I'll pin you to the floor.

[But he understands what Gaheris is getting at. And when it's time to say goodbye he won't leave him with those painful words.]

Don't encourage me. [The tease is obviously half-hearted, though, and with the wobble forward he goes to make himself a drink.]

[He watches Gaheris, still worried about him.]

I mean it, you be careful. And don't beat yourself up too much.

It's me or him. [And he takes a drink directly from the bottle, forgoing class and poise for a moment.]

[Dylan stands up as well, and starts picking up a few broken shards from the flood and holds them carefully in his hand.]

I don't like to see you hurt, whether it's someone else hurting you, or you hurting yourself.

It's not very Nietzschean of me. [He observes, holding his bottle idly in his hands, then. But they both know that.

There's another rant stowed up, but it doesn't come out, instead he just stands there.]

It wouldn't make a difference if you were a Nietzschean or a human or a...a Perseid. I'd still worry about you. You being a Niezschean means that I just have to worry extra observantly, because the clues that you're hurting might be pretty subtle.

[He looks around the thrashed room.]

Not so much this time, though.

If you knew her, you'd know why I was so pissed off. [Though he had to acknowledge that she might have wanted it, when he talked to her about it. For a moment, she might have wanted it.]

Can you tell me? Or is it the sort of deal where it's her secrets to tell.

[He picks up a few more broken pieces from the floor and wonders if any of them can be repaired.]

I'll keep an eye on her, too, while you're gone if you want.

[He can remember that first time finding her dead body. He came to check on her after she didn't show up for a meal shift for a few days. He could smell her through the door. He broke in, found the mess. She'd done it so she would bleed out quick.]

Her warden was one of my friends, too. Amanda. She tried to save her from this.

[Dylan tries to practice reading between the lines, Nietzschean style. He's switched to talking about her warden, and not Lua herself, so he guesses that there's more going on here than he knows, but that it involves something personal and Gaheris' isn't going to betray Lua's confidences.

He's also mentioning someone else who has tried to save Lua. Dylan makes a guess at what Gaheris *isn't* saying.]

It's not your fault. You can't guard her 24/7 and you can't make her stay away from Ladd if she doesn't want to.

Edited (wrong icon) 2013-02-13 04:51 am (UTC)

I know. [The tone is a little helpless. What could he have done?]

It was important that I wasn't just another man telling her what to do, that she make her own decisions. She did make them, but that controlling bastard that fucked her over the network getting off on how he wanted to kill her found out that was thinking for herself.

[Rhade's so angry he's slipping into swearing.] He could have had a wife. A mother for his children. Someone to stand beside of him- [And he would have given anything for someone that would stay. That would stay for him.

He puts down his drink and looks at the picture of Braxiatel and Anisette on the desk, though this time he's looking at the man rather than the infant. He has that now. He can't respect anyone that would throw that away. He closes his eyes and puts it back down.] I know I couldn't do anything and I know I can't do anything now. I just need to get away from it.

[Dylan stands again and follows Gaheris' gaze. He doesn't have the whole story, but he has enough to understand why Gaheris is so enraged. Not just murder of a friend, although that's bad enough. Murder, and betrayal of trust between intimates, and a violation of everything Nietzscheans hold most dear.

He claps his hand on Gaheris' shoulder.]

I get it. Go. Go enjoy your family and enjoy having what he's never going to have because he threw it all away. That's a pretty good revenge and one that won't get you into trouble.